I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
and you fell through a lawn chair
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
