dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
