She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
