Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
