dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are two peas in an std pod
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
