East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
