So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
