I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
