Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
