i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
