i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
