seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
