Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
