I feel great
I just peed on a car
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
