she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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