our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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