I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
