cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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