I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
