well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
