Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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