You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Randomize
