I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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