We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
