you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
