I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
