So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
