its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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