A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
