Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
