I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
