I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
