No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
