i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
