that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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