Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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