i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
