I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
