hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
