Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
