i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
