i just wanna soil my oats bro
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
