My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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