Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
