Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
