The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
