My nipple is on Facebook.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
