I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
