his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she looked like the before picture.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
