just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
