you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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