is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
