He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
