I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
