i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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