you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I touched a dick in church today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
