duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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